Thriving – Not So Much

A while back I wrote a post titled “I try to be a thriver.” What a crock of shit. I mean the concept is excellent-be a thriver not just a survivor, but it doesn’t work too well when surviving is being grateful I made it through another day with bipolar disorder.

I have recently survived a few months long bout of severe depression, but I sure as hell don’t feel like I can even get close to thriving. During that period of time, everything went to hell in a handbasket. My house is no longer particularly clean (although  I was able to keep the kitchen relatively spotless), I gained back half the weight I lost by not doing my WiiAerobics, and I lost my desire to write or draw.

Now that I’m more stable, I can’t seem to get motivated to fix any of these problems. I am told to just start exercising 5 minutes at a  time…5 minutes seem like 5 hours to me. I am told to just clean one room of the house at a time. But that one room seems like a 10 room home. I berate myself, telling myself I’m just lazy. But is that really true? I don’t know how to tell if it’s just a residual from the severe depression or if I really am a useless piece of crap.

For now I suppose it will be enough to survive another day, and I’ll start the next one with being happy I could at least get out of bed. Hopefully the rest will eventually follow.

8 thoughts on “Thriving – Not So Much

  1. Dear Sheri,
    This is my first time on your blog, and I can so relate to this post and it's comments.

    Thank you for putting it into words.

    I also appreciate your comments on my blog.
    Sincerely,
    'Tart

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  2. You're definitely NOT lazy (though I sometimes wonder if I'm also lazy, so you're not alone in thinking it), and in my experience, I'd say that all these “small” activities seeming more like huge, enormous tasks is residual.

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  3. Keeping the place tidy is not all it's cracked up to be. I know what you mean about letting it slip with depression. When I am bad, I don't get dressed, I eat takeaways all the time, the washing up doesn't get done and laundry is only done once I run out of clothes. I always have to put it all right when my mood turns and to me the thoriugh clean represents me picking myself up and having another go at life.

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  4. Thank you so much. It all started with lithium, which made the depression the worst it's been in ages. Thanks for your encouragement, it means a lot to me.

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  5. You so are NOT a useless piece of crap! I am chalking my apathetic lazy ass up to a rotten year. And lithium. No writing or drawing for me either. You have been having a hard time. Don't be so hard on yourself.

    One little thing at a time adds up. It will come back. Practice. Thats all we can do. It will get done eventually.

    Hang in, Boo 🙂

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