I have been with a wonderful man for over two years and I’m still afraid to tell him what’s really going on in my head. Oh he’s seen it. He’s seen me crash, seen me at my worst…once. But it scares him. His best friend committed suicide, I don’t want him to worry that I will too.
This week has been very bad, a culmination of months of hopelessness made even worse by my last visit with my psych. He doesn’t know that I barely got out of bed all week, that fighting sleep and tears was the best I could do. But I made it to Thursday, I made it to BFE.
This morning he said “What are you going to do today?” I replied “I’m going to try to go in to town.” And when he said “Why don’t you just go?” I didn’t know how to explain.