Recently, someone I know asked if I’d recommend ECT. The past couple weeks the sustained memory loss has seemed to become more evident. I’m so tired of saying “no, I don’t remember that.” It’s been ten months, according to the professionals, all memories should have returned by now. I’ve divided my life to Before January and After January. That’s what I ask now when my memories don’t match someone else’s “Was that before or after January?” I started to say I have a Swiss cheese brain, and now others are saying it as well. I suppose that one’s my fault for perpetuating it. I thought it was funny at first, but now that the people I care about are saying it, I have to admit it hurts a little. I feel defective.
I can finally get around to familiar places without my GPS, but as I bring out my winter clothes I’m surprised sometimes by what I have. It’s kind of like having a new wardrobe, except I don’t really like the person’s taste who picked out those things…and I can’t find my damn gloves! It’s hard to look at it with humor anymore because it’s been going on for so long, its’ just not funny or ‘quirky’ anymore.
So would I recommend it? I don’t know how to answer that one. I wish I’d never done it, and I don’t think it did any good for me, but I do know it’s been a lifesaver to others. I’d hate to think that someone based such a life-altering experience on my advice. It’s a tricky question, one which can only be answered by doing research. I didn’t do enough, I just listened to my almighty psychiatrist. “Here take this pill, zap your brain, don’t do this, don’t do that, do only what I say.” Well, no more, Dr. Holier-than-thou. I’ll think for myself now, thank-you-very-much. With what little brain I have left, I’ll make my own decisions about my mental health care now, and I strongly suggest that others do the same. Do research, ask a lot of questions, and for your mental health’s sake, if you don’t feel comfortable about something ask more questions or find another psych.