Mimicking Mania

Having had bipolar disorder for the majority of my life, I don’t really know what constitutes a “normal” emotion. I know what my manic behavior is like and I know what my depressive behavior is like. So when I feel excited or very happy I always question…”Is it the beginning of a manic episode?” Same with sadness, although that one’s a little bit easier. I can usually tell the difference between sad and depressed.

Last night I received a second custom order. That would make three sales this week, plus two at the Expo. I suppose that may not seem like a lot to some, but to me it’s huge. I was feeling very elated, and immediately thought “Uh oh, mania here I come.” But I didn’t hurry and start on the new piece (I had to hunt down the charms today), nor did I rush around the house finding other things to do. I took my melatonin blend, read in bed (it was late), and slept like a log. So no manic sleeplessness.

Still, this morning I felt disconnected and like my mind was starting to race. So many ideas were popping into my head about different necklaces I wanted to make. Was it just a rush of creativity? Was I elated or manic?

To those of you with bipolar disorder who read my blog, I’d love to hear your input on how you deal with this sort of thing. Will I ever stop doubting my hard-fought-for stability?

2 thoughts on “Mimicking Mania

  1. The question you ask is a valid one & I believe it's a common experience with bipolar disorder. Sometimes, when I wanted to be creative, I'd hope for a manic state…others when I didn't, I'd fear one. Alas, I've found out I'm not bipolar, but my manic states were triggered by meds.
    Back to your question though…it can definitely be frightening cuz being manic may mean you're somewhat out of control, and being depressed may mean you're out of commission for who knows how long.
    It sounds like you handled it perfectly, you kinda let things work themselves out, and kept an appt. with someone who obviously helps you feel grounded.
    But yes, your initial feelings were 100% normal. What I'd suggest is keep this experience in your back pocket & next time you wonder about it, remember this time & how feeling like that doesn't necessarily mean it's the onset of any sort of episode.
    ps…congrats on your business booming- so, SO happy for you!


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