Things I hate about bipolar disorder #362

Springtime Necklace & EarringsOnce upon a time there was a woman who created beautiful and unique jewelry…or maybe she was just manic.

 

multigrain oatmeal

Once upon a time there was a woman who thoroughly enjoyed bread baking…or maybe she was just manic.

 

wedding toastOnce upon a time there was a woman who had a passion for life…or maybe she was just manic.

 

Jewelry designs flutter around my brain, a sourdough starter is bubbling away on my counter, poetry and stories dash in and out of my imagination…is it just mania?

A person who does not have bipolar disorder might say “Who cares what it is, go with it.” But a person who has experienced the pain of a manic episode would understand my fear. Mania isn’t just creative bursts of energy. Mania can be physical pain, embarrassment, humiliation, sleepless nights, financial ruin, ad nauseam. Mania is often followed by a horrific crash back into depression.

Questioning enthusiasm: Things I hate about bipolar disorder #362

19 thoughts on “Things I hate about bipolar disorder #362

  1. It is so hard to get over that and to try to recognize when a feeling is normal. I think it’s a part of self-sabotage too. You go through so much suffering for so long that you either lose any idea of what normal emotional regulations feels like or you stop believing you ever have the capacity for it.

    When I changed hobbies or start to question my career choice I wonder, is this the Borderline or is this normal? Eventually you just have to just force that doubt out of your mind and try your best to enjoy whatever it is you’re currently try obsessed with.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hear this. People often ask me “does it matter? Just enjoy it” but yes, it does matter. I can’t enjoy it when it may be leading to terribly poor choices and an impending mental health disaster.
    It’s so frustrating to feel we have to question everything, so I absolutely hear you. hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    • From what I know of how my husband feels, I understand that it’s difficult to stand by helplessly while a loved one goes through this hell. I’m glad she has supportive people around her.

      Liked by 1 person

      • We’re not around her any more. Unfortunately she and are son are separated. It’s hard. Six years now and neither of them has made a move to get a divorce. She’s been OCD pert near all her life, but was finally recently (a year ago) diagnosed as bi-polar and is being treated for it. At least that’s what she’s telling our son.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Nothing to be sorry about. I could have explained but seemed kind of beside the point, know what I mean? But I know what it was like being around her. They lived with us for two years.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Being on the bipolar 2 spectrum means hypomania — binging as I call it. So not the huge highs, but feeling more creative, being stuff for craft projects I never start, spending above budget — but not wildly (usually), destructive rages (I am better with these except for a few weeks ago), irrationality. Depression underlays it all, so then there is the crash. I only was diagnosed a few years ago, so I could absolve myself of some things, and yes, question others.
    May I reblog? Another excellent post that has the kick-in-the-gut that bipolar has.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The manic crash is the worse… especially when you’ve been manic for days… weeks… months! and you’ve started so many projects and did so much during that time and then it ALL comes crashing down around you. You think you didn’t do enough during your feel-good-time. Then you’re surrounded by projects or things you spent during your manic spending sprees and you don’t know what to do with any of it. I have an entire bedroom worth of stuff full of manic spending spree items that when I’m not manic, and even when I’m “normal” I have no idea what to do with it.

    It sucks that you feel like the only time you can accomplish anything is when you’re manic. Mania is an amazing feeling – so euphoric. I can conquer the world with mania. The house is always cleaner. The kids always have some crazy new chore/reward promises that are given to them…

    Soon I’ll crash. Nothing will make sense. Nothing will matter anymore. All the hard work that I built up towards something great will be worthless again.

    These are all things I hate about Bipolar Disorder.

    Liked by 1 person

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