Detox Diary

It occurred to me it would probably be helpful to myself and others to keep a diary of this detox experience. So on with the show (starting point is the day before the appointment with my psychiatrist).

Starting psych meds are as follows:

  • .5 mg clonazepam x 3 PRN (actually take 2 every night before bed, rarely use the third)
  • 10 mg Parnate x 3 (1 AM/2 PM)
  • 1 mg Rexulti x 1 AM

Wednesday, November 18 2015: Depression is worsening, then massive drop is triggered by an article in the newspaper about the shitty condition of mental health care availability and the suicides because of such problems. Much crying and hiding under the covers ensues. Did not take clonazepam nor PM Parnate. Severe headache starts during the night, assumed it’s from crying (that’s normal for me).

Thursday, November 19 2015: Still crying, barely make it through Rotary meeting. Pre-appointment meeting with psych nurse, blood pressure must be extremely high (wouldn’t be surprised). “Do you have a headache?” “Yes, I’ve been crying all night.” “Do you have chest pains?” “No, I have brain pains.” (smart ass even when feeling like shit). It never occurred to me to ask her what my blood pressure was, I just assumed it would be high and didn’t think about it any more. Psychiatrist and I agreed on detox plan, he explained the side effects and said I could simply stop the Rexulti.

  • Reduce Parnate to 2/day for 10 days, then 1/day for 10 days.
  • Reduce clonazepam to 1 at night for 10 days, then ½ at night for 10 days.

Headache worsens, add nausea, then vomiting (migraine?). Tylenol doesn’t help. Relief for about an hour after a bowl of soup in the evening. Headache comes back around 3 AM.

Friday, November 20 2015: Headache gets worse, then finally goes away around 11 AM, but comes back with a vengeance. At least no nausea this time. Laying in bed around 5 PM, finally thought it might be important to check my blood pressure. Can’t get out of bed because Bob is stretched out and purring on top of my legs ;). Finally got up around 6:30 PM. Blood pressure is high (154/89) as expected, but since it’s Friday night, I can’t call Dr. V’s office (GP). I’ll keep an eye on my BP, if it stays high I can send Dr. V’s nurse a note on the interwebs for Monday AM to see if I should increase blood pressure meds.

Saturday, November 21 2015: (Shhhhh, don’t say it out loud-don’t want to jinx it, but so far no headache). BP: 155/88 The day was good, had our granddaughter from late AM, and she’s spending the night. I had a couple of “normal” grumpy times at lunch and when I ran out of patience with the toddler. No napping for me, and am now going to bed at a regular grown-up time. No migraine, start of headaches close to meal times, but they were stopped with acetaminophen.

Sunday, November 22 2015: BP 153/80, mild occasional headaches. Feeling anxious in the evening, snapping at my poor husband, then bursting into tears. Can I do this?

Monday, November 23 2015: Last night was bad. Slept maybe an hour at a time, awake more than asleep. During most of the day yesterday my depression seemed to have dissipated somewhat, but it started creeping back last night, then was back with a vengeance this morning. I’m certain the headaches are related to a neck problem I’ve been having, and I’ll see the chiropractor today for an adjustment (I missed one last week). An email has been sent to my GP about my blood pressure. I’m feeling like I don’t want to do this, but I’ll keep plodding along. Okie dokie BP is 156/82, and GP just got back to me and wants me to resume taking 5 mg of lisinopril (the Parnate had lowered my blood pressure so I had stopped that BP med).

Tuesday, November 24 2015 See blog post.

Wednesday, November 25 2015: Still struggling, with sleep and everything else. Blood pressure is going back to “normal” (at least something is) since I started back on the lisinopril. Headache still comes and goes – must be my neck, maybe next week I can get to the chiropractor. Fighting so hard against giving up.

Thursday, November 26 2015: (happy fuckingthanksgiving) Slept a little better, until the kitten-alarm went off. Learning that anxiety about not sleeping isn’t helping matters.

Friday, November 27 2015: Sleeping but with nightmares; waking up with my back hurting from being curled into a tight ball and my teeth aching from clenching them tightly. My abuser has been in every single one. That usually doesn’t happen unless I’ve been talking about him, I rarely give him a second thought anymore. Must have taken up residence somewhere within my feeble brain.

Saturday, November 28 2015: No napping. Yesterday was not a good day, so I slept during the day…no sleep at night.

Sunday, November 29 2015: Sleep as usual (or not, depending on how you look at it). Today is first of next 10-day cycle. 1 Parnate and ½ klonopin at night.

Monday, November 30 2015: Bad night. Going to call Dr S about at least keeping klonopin for now. Can’t do this if I can’t sleep.

Tuesday, December 1 2015: Nurse never called back. Stayed up until around 12:30, slept slightly better.

Wednesday, December 2 2015: I’ve got nothing except a night full of body parts falling from the sky from being exploded out of a mental hospital on fire.

Thursday, December 3 2015: (updated*) Actually slept rather well, here is a link to a more detailed update post. *But wait, there’s more-next level, detox migraine is back. yay? At least I’m more than halfway through.

Saturday, December 5 2015: Yes, I did skip Friday – sledgehammer to the side of my head. Yesterday, psych told me these last two weeks will physiologically be the most difficult, “but just hang in there.” There are five more days of meds, then I’m on my own. At least I’m sleeping ok (when my head doesn’t hurt). I’ll go back on January 11, and we’ll talk about what’s next at that time. Unless anything significant happens, I think I’ll end this diary with this entry.

Thanks for following along, I hope it may be helpful to anyone else who has to go through this.